Awkward Conversations: Posh Party

A couple of weeks ago an old friend invited me to his housewarming party. He was renting, but the place was impressive: eight bedrooms and a pool, a new red sports car parked on the neat, sloping drive. He’d always been a bit of a show-off, but Phil’s also one of those decent guys who…

I Gave Up The Day Job Five Times (For Fiction)

I’ve been a dancer, an art dealer, a till worker, a physicist, a mortuary volunteer and a career consultant (and I’m still the latter), but the question is, how do those jobs help me write? To set one record straight immediately, physics impacts my writing minimally. I discovered early on that mentioning it led people…

Belly Man & The Bedridden Internet Guru

My partner of twenty years is obsessed with the size of his belly at the moment. Is this something that happens to all forty-year-old men? He complains daily that he can’t fit into the trousers or shorts he slid into six months ago and wears most garments with the top button opened, blaming tightness in…

The Monkey’s Rump

My other half says that, if the average cat licks its bottom for five minutes or so every day, then it spends a total of about twenty-one days across its entire lifetime with its tongue glued to its asshole. He now assures me this fact is both useful and pleasant to visualise. I disagree wholeheartedly….

Believe Me: You Can Be Young, Wise and Free

The most satisfying part of being a writer is the freedom. I’m so glad I ignored the well-meaning, but flawed advice to, “stick to an ordinary job.” Of course, I earn money through a range of freelance projects, but my main priority in life is to create. ‘Ordinary’ just doesn’t fit with my values. Developing…